Think about the outcome

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Sometimes you need to walk away before things get bad. We were playing, I got hurt, but he kept on. I said stop, but no, he kept on playing like he always does. I got angry and he started to run. I flung our blanket off our bed which contained the remotes and phones. I broke them all. O’well! I said stop. He began again and I grab one of the fans and flung that, picked up and charged him with it. That was too far!!!

I went into my closet, which is a 12 by 12, mind you, and stood. Realizing that I went too far, but justified that I did say enough. Because he felt he was not done playing, I was. He knows what can happen when he pushes me to the end. 16 years of togetherness, you know the limits. so……..

I came back into the room after he called our daughter to sit with him after he done pissed me off, lol. I guess to protect him. but I don already cooled off, but he doesn’t know and sat on the bed. No conversation yet. I don’t care. I am with yall right now. I did sneeze 3 times in a row and he said bless me all 3 times and I said thank you 3 times.

This is the downslope of my anger and his realization that he pissed me off. I am on my computer and he knows it’s REAL. lol. I am working. Working on not fu*** him up and he knows it. He let me let go when I R really have to walk off.

No talking for an hour or so is good. He fixed my fan before I came back. He is such a boy. Boys play too much. It don’t matter how old they are. They still boys at heart.

I got more to add but still calming down. Sorry……

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Best Friend

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I had a friend a long time ago. We did everything together. We were in the 7th grade. we looked alike too. People used to think we were sisters, if not twins. We used to get off the school bus and walk through the high school by her house, as it was getting out at that time. Kids that went to that school and the teachers thought we actually attended that school. It was so fun.

One day after walking through the school and to her house, a boy called her name. He lived kitty-corner from her house. I had to get home as I had a little sister and brother to get off the Head Start bus. My mom was at work during that time of day. After my mom gets home, I leave to go to the park to meet my friend.

That day, my mom got off work, took over the kids, as usual, and I left for the park. My friend was not there. I went to her house and she was still home. I suggested that we go to McDonald’s as we had not eaten after school yet. She was acting weird. Her eyes were low, she would not stop smiling, and she was talking to some imaginary friend, who was walking with us. I didn’t see nobody, so I suggested that we go back to her house.

We only got halfway down the block. I was worried about her. I took her back to the house and told her mom she was acting strange and went back home. Once at home, I called to check up on her and no answer. I called all day and nothing. The next day, she was not at school. she wasn’t at school for the rest of the week either.

My Geography teacher pulled me to the side and told me that her mom called and told the school that she had been admitted to the hospital. He said that her parents decided to take her to see a doctor the last day I saw her. He said that she had to be carried to the car as she forgot how to walk down a flight of stairs. She apparently had a brain aneurysm. Her mom also told the school and all the teachers not to tell me anything. I was so confused. Why? What did I do?

He mom suspected that we were doing drugs. I could handle the drugs and she couldn’t. No drugs were found in her system though. Her mom would not let me come to see her. When I had my mom call the hospitals, we were on the don not disclose information list. I was so hurt, sad, and mad.

The kids in school blamed me for her accident. I didn’t even know what happened to her. I could only go off of what my teacher would share with me. Girls would jump me every day. My mom started walking me to my bus stop and waiting for me in the afternoon to get off the bus.

I had no friends. No one to talk to. No one to hang out with. My best friend was gone. One day I went to the park and was confronted by 3 girls, started fighting with them and the next thing I knew, they started flying off me. It was my mom. she followed me and had my back.

 

This was a huge bonding time for me and my mom. She became my best friend.

I learned that being there for your child, especially when they least expect it, is priceless.

 

 

Can’t have one w/o the rest

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imagesI have a coworker that has siblings from another marriage. She said that her mom was the first but her dad remarried 3 more times after. She said that in the Summer months, her mom would take her and her siblings to their dad’s house to his new wife without any problems. Her mom said, if she married him, she had to take his kids too. I thought that was just crazy. She said that as she was growing up and he remarried again, her mom and wife #2 took their kids and dropped them off to wife #3 and so on.

Many women don’t think like that. I know I sure didn’t. I didn’t want the new woman around my children. I thought she may hurt them on the slide or be mean to them. I didn’t want her teaching them anything, especially anything she was taught. She was not raised in the same kind of household or environment that I was raised in, so I thought she would show them more bad things in life. Sure enough, she showed the other kids of his how to lie, cheat, and steal. They are pretty good at it too, lol.

My children learned how to study, play sports, and cook and they are pretty good at that! Their siblings are street smart and my kids are book smart. Which is better? I believe now, that there are pros and cons to both ways.

Maybe if I would have let my kids go over their house, I would have gotten more naps, more freedom, or more errands done without toting kids around all the time. It is what it is. Iimages.jpg got things done and had fun with my kids doing it.

3 Strikes

I hate to feel this way, but when I call somebody and they don’t answer the phone, I won’t call them back until the next week or so. If I call three people in a row, and they don’t answer the phone, I ain’t calling nobody else, until next week. Why do I feel this way? Is it me being a negative person? Or is it me realizing that I ain’t as important as I thought I was? But you know, they always call me when something’s wrong, for big sister stuff, for advice, or to hear THEIR drama.

24-48 hour rule

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It is a shame of all the bad things you can say when you are upset. You can be sad or mad and the same types of thoughts come to your mind. If you speak those thoughts out loud, you could possibly say something you really don’t mean and cannot take back. This is a time to hold back, walk away, and get out of the presence of others because it is truly hard to gain and keep your composure.

I was so mad and sad this weekend that I could have destroyed so much stuff, ruined my whole life, and would not have given 2 shits about it. I am thankful that I was able to remove myself and hold it together. I did have help though. GOD sent my daughter to my aide. I tried to be alone and she was on my heels the whole time. That kept me stable. It’s amazing how things happen. I had to smile and be positive as I could not make her feel my pain too. Thank you GOD, for her. I was truly on the path of destruction. I really scared my family.

The next day, I could tell things were different. I could see he was trying to make me feel better. I am so glad I was able to hold it together. By waiting the 24-48 hours, it really made a difference. It saved my world.