What is This?

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He came in, hugged and kissed me last night after getting off work. I was going to cook dinner, it’s been 6 days since I did that LOL, but I didn’t. I took a shower and put on some booty shorts and tank top and got in my bed, not a normal evening for me. He was surprised when he came in the room that I looked sexy and didn’t have rump around clothes on. No boo, I threw them all away on Saturday. That is what was in those 3 garbage bags you saw us taking out.

So after a while, I smell food. I thought he was making himself something to eat, but nope, he was cooking the food that I WAS going to cook, but didn’t. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, he asks me how many tacos I wanted, three? I was not hungry, haven’t been for 6 days now, but I said okay and went back to my room. He sent my food to me and I ate. I felt like a cannibal, LOL. Didn’t know I was hungry.

So I get up and get ready for work. I came around the corner to give him a kiss goodbye, haven’t done that in a week, and he is ready and wanting me. I could not take my eyes off it. OMG, what is this? I had to get it. He gave it to me real good. I guess we never had make up sex. We don’t argue or fight. It was so good! Makes me want to argue or fight more often, LOL. Nah, I ‘m good.

I got up after, took a shower, and got back dressed. I came to kiss him, leaned in, he turned his face so I could kiss his cheek and when I did, and he kiss my other cheek simultaneously. That’s a first. What is this? I put my heals on, haven’t worn heals to work in 12 years, and went to work. I’m thinking on telling him that I need more, but not trying to give in so fast. I’m still mad at him. What the hell is this?

Man Up

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I finally asked him what was the deal. He basically said I was a nag and controlled when he can hang out with his friends. Total lie. I have never called him when he hangs out. He actually got mad because I never call. I didn’t want him teased by the guys of how he has to call me if he’s out.

Well his phone rang at 330am and I was up. He played it off like it was one of our kids. Yes they were up but it wasn’t one of them. I went and check that phone and came back and told him he was a lie. I didn’t demand he show me his phone because I would probably be locked up and not telling this story.

If you cheated, man up and say it! You was a man when you did it,so… I can’t even cheat back. I am happy where I am and don’t want no one else. Not even for conversation.

Love Sick

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It’s bad when you love someone so much that when they leave you, to go to work or something, you hug them just to carry their scent for as long as it lasts. It’s bad when you go through the day and have to hear their voice to make it half way though. It’s bad when you need to be touched. Why is love so emotional?

I was so down and out, not knowing what to do, how to feel, sad, crying, angry at the world because we weren’t talking. I look outside at the cars driving by and get extremely sad because life is moving on and I feel stuck in this rut. I am a very strong minded person, but somehow I just realized I need him.

I took all my pictures down of us. Why, because I was smiling and happy in them. Well, I don’t feel that right now. I can’t look at them. Every time someone touches me, I cry. Why, because it’s not him. I have lost 6 pounds. I haven’t eaten in 4 days. My blood pressure is probably in the clouds. I may have a heart attack. I guess that is what comes with a hurting heart. It just shuts down on you.

Why

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I feel that I have lost my best friend. This weekend, he went to hang out with a coworker, which I was fine with. But come 1 am, I called him and he did not answer. Why? He did not answer for a whole hour. Why? When he finally did answer, as he was on his way home, I asked him why he wasn’t answering and he tells me he doesn’t know. Why? That really hurt and pissed me off! We haven’t talked since. I haven’t looked at him, touched him, or talked to him. I don’t feel it’s my job to fix this situation. He got me wondering why? What were you doing? Real fishy! I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I stop crying. It is hard to be at work. Hard to be at home. I cry and cry. Why? I am so mad that I could really hurt him, so I turn it into pain. Why?

For the Ones Who Are No Longer With Us

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Life is too short and tomorrow is never promised to you. If you don’t have life insurance, you better get that ASAP. Just think, how are you going to be buried? Oops, there’s no insurance, now you have to be cremated. Damn, no one wants to help pay for it. What now?

Now on the other hand, how can you let a love one go out without a decent burial? If you can go get your nails done, clubbing, or happy hour, why can’t you give that to them at least? Every little bit helps. It is not like they are asking you for anything, they need it!

What is family and friends for? Why do we have them? Priorities are not in order for many people, how can you live with yourself?