Okay Then

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I gave him 2 kids and it made my body double in weight. I am now a plus size woman. Have been for years now. I would wear clothes that would hide my body because I was embarrassed of it. Even in the bedroom.

I see that he looks at other women and I know I look better than them or can look just as good and it makes me feel bad. Well okay then, watch me put on sleek, revealing, and tight fitting clothes then.

I get stares from men an women with my over sized clothes so let’s see how the world will look at me know. I am shedding my insecurities and showing my strengths. My body is bomb for a plus size woman. I have a large butt, big breasts, long hair, and a beautiful face. Hmm, even women hit on me.

I threw out all the clothes that have holes in them, rump around stuff, and the too big one’s too. Now I walk around in clothes that make him see me for the first time. Ha, he probably want to put a GPS tracker or leash on this, but NOT. Now he gone wonder what’s up when he ain’t here. He can wonder am I at home, what am I doing, where did I go, or who is in my company. Even though I’m a homebody, I will intentionally get out in the world just because.

I got 6 new pair of heals that I bought last year. LOL, put a pair on Friday. He saw them and got all hot and bothered. LOL, I got more boo. I also started having uncontrollable sex. He thinks I need it all them time now. So when he is not here, he just may wonder if I am getting it from another source. No, I love my husband, but he needs to know that respect is the key to a long and health relationship. I would never cheat on him, but I don’t tell him that.

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Now you know how I felt

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I announced that I was getting married to family and friends, eve the ones who are distant. My best friend, who I haven’t talked to in a few years, up jump and gets married. Keep in mind, I invited her to my wedding and to be in my wedding party. No response. She didn’t even invite me or tell me her good news. Her daughter, which is my God daughter, came to help me get ready. Helped me with my dress, shoes, and accessories. She even dropped of her 2 boys to mt reception. Was that a message?

I asked my cousin to be my maid of honor. She was so happy and honored. When it was time to make things, order dresses, do bridal stuff, no call and no show. For a few months actually. My other best friend came in town and I told her my frustrations. She offered to be my maid of honor even though she lives out of the state. Once again, when it was time to order dresses, no call and no show.

These are the only 3 women in my circle. They all turned their backs on me. I was hurt. Have not tried to replace them with another either, but they have replaced me. They all have new best or close friends now and we called each other sisters. It’s okay, I will finish this life with memories.

Well to get to the reason for this post, maid of honor #1 is getting married this week. She had things planned out and no one showed up to help her. I am trying to get my marriage fixed, as we went out on the town last night with friends, and told her if my husband does not go to work, I cannot help and she said she understood.

She vented to me me about all the other people that she had lined u to help her and they flaked on her. Should I feel bad? I don’t! It hurts when the shoe is on the other foot….

Once again, I will finish this life with memories of them.

What is This?

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He came in, hugged and kissed me last night after getting off work. I was going to cook dinner, it’s been 6 days since I did that LOL, but I didn’t. I took a shower and put on some booty shorts and tank top and got in my bed, not a normal evening for me. He was surprised when he came in the room that I looked sexy and didn’t have rump around clothes on. No boo, I threw them all away on Saturday. That is what was in those 3 garbage bags you saw us taking out.

So after a while, I smell food. I thought he was making himself something to eat, but nope, he was cooking the food that I WAS going to cook, but didn’t. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, he asks me how many tacos I wanted, three? I was not hungry, haven’t been for 6 days now, but I said okay and went back to my room. He sent my food to me and I ate. I felt like a cannibal, LOL. Didn’t know I was hungry.

So I get up and get ready for work. I came around the corner to give him a kiss goodbye, haven’t done that in a week, and he is ready and wanting me. I could not take my eyes off it. OMG, what is this? I had to get it. He gave it to me real good. I guess we never had make up sex. We don’t argue or fight. It was so good! Makes me want to argue or fight more often, LOL. Nah, I ‘m good.

I got up after, took a shower, and got back dressed. I came to kiss him, leaned in, he turned his face so I could kiss his cheek and when I did, and he kiss my other cheek simultaneously. That’s a first. What is this? I put my heals on, haven’t worn heals to work in 12 years, and went to work. I’m thinking on telling him that I need more, but not trying to give in so fast. I’m still mad at him. What the hell is this?

Man Up

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I finally asked him what was the deal. He basically said I was a nag and controlled when he can hang out with his friends. Total lie. I have never called him when he hangs out. He actually got mad because I never call. I didn’t want him teased by the guys of how he has to call me if he’s out.

Well his phone rang at 330am and I was up. He played it off like it was one of our kids. Yes they were up but it wasn’t one of them. I went and check that phone and came back and told him he was a lie. I didn’t demand he show me his phone because I would probably be locked up and not telling this story.

If you cheated, man up and say it! You was a man when you did it,so… I can’t even cheat back. I am happy where I am and don’t want no one else. Not even for conversation.

Love Sick

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It’s bad when you love someone so much that when they leave you, to go to work or something, you hug them just to carry their scent for as long as it lasts. It’s bad when you go through the day and have to hear their voice to make it half way though. It’s bad when you need to be touched. Why is love so emotional?

I was so down and out, not knowing what to do, how to feel, sad, crying, angry at the world because we weren’t talking. I look outside at the cars driving by and get extremely sad because life is moving on and I feel stuck in this rut. I am a very strong minded person, but somehow I just realized I need him.

I took all my pictures down of us. Why, because I was smiling and happy in them. Well, I don’t feel that right now. I can’t look at them. Every time someone touches me, I cry. Why, because it’s not him. I have lost 6 pounds. I haven’t eaten in 4 days. My blood pressure is probably in the clouds. I may have a heart attack. I guess that is what comes with a hurting heart. It just shuts down on you.